She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
