it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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