i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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