I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
