K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
