Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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