Can i not drive my cunt home
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
