What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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