listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
