I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
