I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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