did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
