I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
