Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
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