lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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