You work out of a Hotel?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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