those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
