you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
