My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
