i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
