i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
