new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
