You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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