Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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