yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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