from now on my penis is your penis
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
