now i know why i became what i already was.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
