1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
