kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
