i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If that was your dad, he is hot
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
