More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
