just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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