proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
