im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
