i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Come on in and take your pants off
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