Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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