ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
