does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
