If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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