She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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