the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
