Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
