You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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