well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
