Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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