I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
