Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
pray to the hookup gods
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
