Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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