out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
