She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
