Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
