she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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