i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
