Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
