i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
